I wish I could remain awake for some more time…


I wish I could remain awake for some more time…sit, think and write way past midnight…about survival, about pain, joy, friendship, love, hatred, about this world and its people…I wish I and insomnia were good friends…I wish I were a passionate writer…I can barely keep my eyes open now and I can barely think and write…Yet I am craving on the bounds of my sanity that time would come to a halt and stay still for a bit and thoughtful words would lend a hand to my lunacy during that eerie silence in reality…

I sometimes feel that I am breathing on borrowed time…Time that I need to plead, borrow and steal from someone else…I do not know how this happens…but it does…I have developed a sudden craving for noise…silence sounds deafening…Any noise…any kind of noise…it just has to be some sort of noise…not any sound…but noise…it’s more like a hopeless attempt to drown the silence I feel growing inside mee…I walk through busy streets, rambling my way through the world, earning a living and yet…nothing…Nothing registers…There is no sound, no color, no pain, no heat, no cold, no emotion, no land, no people…its only a survival on borrowed air…

Today, I stood alone watching the sun go down…i had done this earlier many times while getting back home from school…I had stood at the same place, where I was yesterday, to witness the most powerful getting engulfed by darkness…I have appreciated the orange hues turning purple…Mesmerizing…yes it still is…

I have yearned to lose myself in someone like the rivers that meet at the confluence…After a point one cannot tell which is which…

I had stood at the confluence of two rivers a lot of times…compelled by the beauty and a feeling of togetherness….Mesmerizing…I had wished to lose myself in someone like the rivers…in the same way a river loses itself into another….After a point one cannot distinguish between the two and tell which is which…I stood spending hours catching the view of the water mingling into each other’s arm…there I stood and yearned…No, the rivers did not ask me to get a grip on it and move on….The yearning did…

These days the rain even hits a transparent glass cage around me and goes down…A cage I created out of the storms that passed mee and fires that smoldered in…And as I trip up the world in this fake invisible space suit, attracting the ridiculous mockery of the crowd around, I constantly keep seeking for that one eye, which will see the cage and open it…free me forever to let the rain drops fall on my face again…I cannot open this cage…I cannot even touch it nor touch anything outside…The only comfort being that it protects me – saves me – forever from the outside force…But you know what? I’d give it up forever to touch you.

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything is made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.

These lines are not written by mee…I read it somewhere…it speaks my mind and it says all that I ever wanted to say…


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