one night when…

I often find myself standing at the crossroads…dont know which way to go…my heart pushes mee to choose one but the mind tells the other…i feel lost, undecided…the inconfidence and insecurity in mee keeps brewing….

one day i found myself hiding amidst bushes, curled up tightly, so that no one could see…my eyes were glued to his window…i kept looking at the glimpses i seldom got as the curtain moved rhythmically…i could see her in his arms…she blushed as he kissed her forehaead…i know the shiver that went down her spine…some months ago i would feel the same….

it was a cold winter night…i too shivered, but not of warmth…the night was chilly…the biting cold made all my senses numb…i did not make any effort to move…frozen i sat there gazing at the window…my eyes were dry, perhaps the chill dried them or my toughened heart did….

a force stronger than mee made me sit there…i knew every sight of her in his arms would make mee bleed…yet i would keep looking, hypnotized…i never felt so close to madness in my entire life…my unwashed and uncombed hair flew all over my face…i did not make any effort to remove them…time and again he had done it with his rough masculine hands, pushing the hair behind my ears, softly kissing my forehead…my eyes half closed, i would blush and feel comfortable in his arms….

a sudden shower drenched me…water dripping from my hair…the cold night perhaps had more in store to offer i thought…the familar masculine hand moved the curtain to close the window panes…i got a glimpse of her lying on his bed clad in a sheet of white coth…the familar bed spread that showed-off bright yellow sunflowers…my eyes fixed at him…he was smiling coyly….

windows closed one by one…lights went off…it was pitch dark all around…the inky black sky had not a single star…it rained on mee and inside mee…breaking mee into uncountable pieces…i cudnt hold myself any longer…tears flooded mee more than the rain…there was no one to hold mee no one to stop…

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One thought on “one night when…

  1. Let bygones be bygones… Tears are precious… There’s no point spending a teardrop on someone who doesn’t know to value it…May every heartbroken soul find solace in someone’s arms, sooner than later…

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